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Enrich Life

A Burglar Broke Into A House

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying…

"Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.  When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the  wires, clear as a bell he heard,

"Jesus is watching you."

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

"Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.

"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you"!

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"

"Moses," replied the bird.

"Moses?" the burglar laughed.

"What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"

"The kind of people that would name a Doberman "Jesus"!

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Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg.

Paddy says, "Me feet are freezing, could you nip upstairs and get me
slippers?"

"No bother," he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy's two
stunning 19 year old twin daughters sat on their beds.

"Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both."

"Fook off you liar!"

"I'll prove it," Murphy says.

So he shouts down the stairs, "Both of them, Paddy?"

"Of course, what's the use of fookin' one?"